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After reading comments being left on various websites in response to the case of Melissa Sekulski, the Staten Island mother who beat her obese 10-year old son to death, I feel compelled to write this plea to parents of overweight children: It’s not your child’s fault he’s obese. Don’t blame him. Don’t hate him. Don’t abuse him out of frustration and shame. Help him. A 10-year old weighing 250 pounds is far from normal and it’s not okay. You need to get over yourself. Get over your shame. Stop concerning yourself with your neighbors and strangers who make rude comments. Concern yourself with the welfare of your child. Get help for your child.

Melissa Sekulski thought she was helping her son by taking him out of school and homeschooling him to spare him from being teased. Who can fault a mother for trying to spare her son from having to endure daily taunting because of his obesity? But Melissa Sekulski was clearly not equipped to handle the situation she was faced with. She was clearly frustrated and disgusted with her son for being obese; and let’s be honest with ourselves before we start condemning her. I’ve heard parents of perfectly healthy children complaining that their child is too fat. Imagine having a 250-pound 10 year old. Few of us would have the ability to love such a child unconditionally. We’d be ashamed and we’d let the child know how ashamed we were at every opportunity, especially if we ourselves are not obese.

Melissa Sekulski was obviously ashamed of her son. She tried to hide him, and behind closed doors she punished him for being fat. She probably hated him for being fat. More of us would hate our child for being fat that will be willing to admit it. No one wants an overweight child; and Jaquan Porter was beyond overweight. He was 10 years old and weighed 250 pounds. His mother probably received as much ridicule herself and she took it out on him, unfortunately; but it wasn’t Jaquan’s fault he weighed 250 pounds, even if he might have had the eating habits of a glutton; and it wasn’t Melissa’s fault Jaquan was obese even if she might have habitually allowed him to eat five whoppers for breakfast every day (just throwing out an example).

What Melissa really needed to do was get professional help for her son, not try to handle the situation on her own. This was a tragedy that could have been avoided by Melissa first deciding that what really mattered was Jaquan’s health and well-being. She took him out of school to spare herself and to spare him from having to deal with the stares and jeers. That wasn’t a case of her putting his health and well-being first and foremost. That decision was made under the influence of the intense shame she was feeling about his weight. Had she been thinking about him, concerning herself with his health, she might have gone to seek help for him instead of hiding him away and absuing him for years as punishment for burdening her with 250 pounds of shame.